I had probably the strangest dream the other night that I have ever had. It was so strange that I really even hesitate to try to put it into words, because I'm not sure yet that there are words to adequately describe all this dream involved. It was strange, yet sweet, yet funny, yet absurd. But here's the really strange, sweet, funny, absurd thing about this dream - I really think that dreaming this dream has helped me to move on from things that maybe I should have come to terms with a long time ago.
I was sitting on the front porch one hot summer morning when I noticed a shoe box wrapped in brown paper, probably an old grocery sack. It was badly wrinkled and held together with hay string. The shoe box itself was old and stained, and smelled faintly of the cheap brand of cigarettes that my dad used to smoke. The outside of the package was addressed in black crayon with the distinct penmanship of a young child. It was correctly addressed to me at our present address. But here's where it gets really strange. The return address indicated that this mystery package had been sent from Joy Lynn Mathis in Sheridan, Arkansas. In my dream I totally understood that I was receiving a package from the child-version of my present self. (No one except my family has ever called me Joy Lynn. That's how it was in the 50's; that's how it is now. That's how I knew it was from the real me.)
I was so very excited to be receiving a gift from my child-self! It made total sense in the dream. I knew that she obviously had help in getting it wrapped, and I instinctively knew that it was "our" mom who had helped. I was a little jealous that Joy Lynn was out there somewhere in a time warp with "our" mom; I wanted so badly to be with them both. I cried happy tears in my dream knowing that someone loved me enough to defy time and space and send me such a special package. There were other emotions that I can't even name. It was just weird. I savored the hay string and the brown paper wrapping and the faint smell of the crayon mingled with the scent that I associated with my dad. I struggled to remember what shoes may have once been in the shoe box; I somehow felt sure that it was once home to a pair of white patent leather Easter shoes. And after spending what seemed like hours savoring every detail about my unexpected gift, I unwrapped the package.
And inside was a dead stinky turtle.
But let me tell you what I have concluded about this strange, sweet, funny, absurd dream. This package that I received from my child-self was sent out of a pure heart, selflessly sent to someone she obviously cared about. Someone cared enough about me to send me the best she had, in spite of the consequences. As an adult, I look back and see that child struggling with financial worries that a child shouldn't have to think about; how I wish I could have somehow conveyed to my child-self that gifts aren't about money at all. I remember an awkward little kid who tried so hard to please everyone, yet never feeling that what she had to offer was good enough. I remember that child watching her mom as she gave just nickles and dimes as the collection plate was passed at church, and that child always saw that her mother - MY MOTHER - gave with a grateful heart. She gave the best she could and knew that God would give the blessing. I have learned since dreaming this strange, sweet, funny, absurd dream that I need to start giving more. And more. And more. I may not have much to give by most people's standards, but my child-self has taught me to do the best I can with what I've got.
What has God equipped you with to be used as a gift? I think He's placed a unique desire in each of our hearts to do for others; we just have to figure out what that gift may be. Do we wake up each morning and ask God how we can be a blessing to someone else today? That might be the very place to start - I know it will be for me!
In comparison, I think that sometimes our gifts to God may seem to others like dead stinky turtles. But if we truly are giving the best we can, I think that God smiles down on all those turtles. If all you have to give is a dead stinky turtle, then do so with all the love in your heart!
So let me just leave you with this one thought. You don't have to spend a dime to give from the heart. I learned this from my precious momma. But even though she had almost nothing, she never once let that stop her from giving - of her time, of her love, of her words, but more importantly, of her prayers.
"Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others,
as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.
If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God.
If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides,
so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ.
To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen."
I Peter 4:10-11
